She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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