he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize