I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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