We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
