So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
