GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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