So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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