Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
