come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
