dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
