so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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