Do you still have your period?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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