Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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