it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
