based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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