you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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