he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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