Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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