why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
