They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
