Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
