im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
the liver wants what the liver wants
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
