There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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