i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
