I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Randomize
