i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
