Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize