There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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