I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
