what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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