hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize