I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
