In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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