I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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