I just cut my nipple shaving
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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