Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
