The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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