You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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