Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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