The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i will never coherently bang her
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
