Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
