Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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