okay pat passed out under dana's car
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
