I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Randomize
