We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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