see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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