This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
