so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
