This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
