The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
