I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
