OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
