my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
