Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
