The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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