Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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