i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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