you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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