I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
