I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
