I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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