and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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