I think scott just propositioned me for sex
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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