While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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