you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
