So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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