My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
