You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
