3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
We need to get me chipped asap
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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