I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
the day after is always just damage control
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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