We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize