You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
