dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
