Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
