I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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