this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
