While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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