So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize