Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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