Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize