ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
