i just identified you from a description of your pipe
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
