i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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