He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
