i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
