Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
We had to coat check the pizza.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
