I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I need help removing her.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
