There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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